its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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