he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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