I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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