We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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