why didn't you poke me back
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
