Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
