So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We need to get me chipped asap
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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