Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
