your room smells of hookers.
And success
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
