very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do herpes really smell.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
