just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
