Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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