he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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