is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
