in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
