I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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