dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
