when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
