Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
