I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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