Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
