i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
