plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
