Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
