Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize