i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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