Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize