i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
