Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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