I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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