I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
