I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
