she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
