By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
