Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
