Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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