Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize