Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
