i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
