i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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