I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish there were birth control emojis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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