Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
