Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
