I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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