I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
