I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
