So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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