I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
