I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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