I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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