mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
