Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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