and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
