Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
