I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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