i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
