I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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