Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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