God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
