I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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