God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
