I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
