2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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