Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
