I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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