So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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