Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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