my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
