Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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