why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
