there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
