Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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