hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
