Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
