so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
