I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
