The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize