she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it glows. i had to have it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize