Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
