Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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