We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm getting married
To pizza
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
