mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize