I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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