If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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