i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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