Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
