yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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