I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you will always have a special place in my vag
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
