So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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