the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
