fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
