she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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