theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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