So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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