Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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