Betty ford says i'm here all night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
